Shore

In Human Design (can’t bring myself to buy into it but damn if it doesn’t often ring true) my Authority is Emotional, which is to say that to make a smart decision I should sit with the choppy waves of Yay and Meh until they settle down. But who’s got time for that, right? Well actually, these days, I have. 

Sitting and feeling into feelings every morning has become a regular thing. Dare I say, practice? Usually followed by journaling about it and ways in which I can regulate and soothe if necessary. It’s the best way I can start my day, setting myself up for less reaction and more peace.

That said, there’s been one decision I’ve been dancing around. A real “Should I or shouldn’t I?” situation. Because it involves me revealing something about myself that I’m not sure I’m ready to share. I consulted two trusted companions (not the dogs)(this time) and they both said, “Do it. Put it out there.” Sooooo…

…here it is: something I’ve been holding close to my heart - so close I couldn’t even see it for the longest time. A plan I never thought I’d have (no really…never), to the point I may have shut a door in your face if you'd suggested it (as a good few people have).

(Btw, I totally don’t agree that people with ADHD use parentheses and hyphens more than average.)

I want to create a body of work that will help women (over 50? Ish?) as they find themselves far from the life they’ve known thus far, and at the wild edges of what comes next. I’ve been here a while and I’m settled. Happier - despite everything - than I’ve ever been and 100% certain that life is amazing. I’m no “expert” but yeah…I know some stuff. I know the lie of this bit of land.

It’s not coaching, per se. We’re all so different; what could I teach you about yourself? But I could help you explore. 

It’s not really mentoring when, again, the experience of this time of change is so subjective. I can’t tell you What To Do At 55! But I do have some experience that I’d happily share if you asked.

My friend Pen suggested that it’s a bit like a doula. We have birth doulas and death doulas for those life transitions. Why not for this one? And it’s almost right but not quite.

I’ve been a big sister for 57 years. There’s a good chunk of that in there.

In my energy fields, it feels like I’m some kind of devotional person who throws open the doors to her humble dwelling and welcomes in arriving travellers for rest, comfort, sharing of stories, and guidance for the paths that lead on into the wild. I’m a place (sic) where you can take a moment; celebrate your arrival and honour your losses; sit a while and build a vision for your new self.

As the call to do this came to me, over weeks and months, I could see it very clearly. Ideas are always visual to me.

I saw a woman in perimenopause (this is not about menopause exactly, but that’s inarguably part of the midlife change for many women) sliding down a rocky cliff face, trying to dig in her heels and failing. As her body stops its cycle, she lands in the water. It’s cold and shocking. She doesn’t know which way is up, which way is down. North or south. The ocean or dry land.

Post-menopause she’s in the deep water. Some days it’s sunny and calm and she has a passing branch to hang onto, some days it’s stormy and the waves feel life-threatening.

Eventually the pull of the tide begins to take her towards land. Water is Life and it knows where we belong. She finds herself in the exact part of the new world that she needs. 

I’m there. Taking her hand and helping her find her feet on the earth. There’s a fire, a blanket, a hot drink and all the time she needs. I’m listening, consoling, celebrating, just sitting quietly with her, and sharing stories about this new place. Helping her look inside and find where she wants to go next. When she’s ready. After a good, long rest by the fire.

All this landed in my head in a moment. I grabbed an A4 pad and wrote pages and pages. She claimed me, this work.

I’ve had ideas arrive before but - as Liz Gilbert says - when you don’t stay engaged with them, ideas move on to someone who will. This time I’m staying engaged. Every day I have a meeting with this whatever-she-is and we recommit to each other.

Because of how my perspective has changed, I know I have time. Time to do this well and right. To help it come forward and make a difference for the women that Life decides belong on my stretch of the shore. It may be one, it may be one hundred; I’m there for all of them. Somewhere up the coastline are other women, with other landings, just perfect for those that are carried to them, and the coastline is infinite. I have an abundance of time, space and freedom to create my own unique little Sanctuary for the Rewilding of Dishevelled Gentlewomen!

So this will be the theme for the large part of my writing now. There’s things going on away from this space that will support me as I bring my plans out of the ether and into reality. Slowly, slowly. Only when I can sit with it in full attention, feeling the feelings.

There. I did it. Told you. I’m expecting an emotional wave of “What have you DONE?” before tomorrow but I’ll surf it out because I’ve learned to do that here at the wild edges. My feet are on solid ground and I’m founding my village. Consider this an open invitation.